8-31-04

As much as I'm going to hate having to get up at 5:30 in the morning, every morning, including weekends because I'm notorious for not being able to sleep in, there are other things to despise in high school. For instance, what is with the drama? All the gossip, all the , "He cheated on her, but Bonnie said that she had a fling with the quarterback last semester, and have you seen Marissa's botched boob job?", all that nonsense. We parade around like we're trying to live up to our favorite daytime soap. And I don't want to be around when someone decides to channel the Salem Serial Killer and go on a killing spree (showing you just how many commercials for daytime television I watch). First off, how dare you try and live up to the wonderful Deirdre Hall. And second, how boring must your life be that you have to spice it up with something you stole from television? Sure, I'll embark on the occasional sojourn to the grocery store after seeing someone eat a cake on tv. And I'm pretty sure the elder Bush got that skydiving stunt off Fear Factor. But even then these are real pleasures. Don't get me wrong, I love gossip. You do not subscribe to Entertainment Weekly and People Magazine and not like to gossip. But there are limits. There's a difference between reading a magazine and reading what's written on the wall in the girl's bathroom. So, with all my mastery of the zen, I encourage each and every one of you to eat cake and jump out of planes. Because if you didn't, I wouldn't have anything to talk about.

8-28-04

I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday. The surgery wasn't so bad, and I wasn't extremely panicked like I usually am. I went through about 20 minutes of hysterics when they wanted to draw blood from me at the doctor's office, but when it came to sticking an IV in my arm to put me to sleep I didn't even blink. Well, I did, and apparently I looked awfully strange because they were asking me if anything was wrong, but I was just fine. So I've got to say that it was a very important milestone for me. They hooked me up to one of those heart monitor things that they have at hospitals, complete with a probe on my finger and two suction cup thingys down my shirt and one on my stomach. Which was kind of interesting. They also put one of those cuffs around my arm that they use to measure your blood pressure. The ones that fill up with air and cut off all circulation? Yeah, that was fun. And the machine was programmed to do it every 5 minutes, so I would be talking to my dad and all of a sudden not be able to feel my right arm. Once they put me out to sleep it was a breeze, and I woke up just fine. I had about 20 cotton balls stuffed in my cheeks and I looked like a chipmunk till I got home. They took me over to the recovery room, and it was such a weird feeling because I couldn't walk at all. I sat down for a couple of minutes while they found a wheelchair for me. Then I got a ride all the way down to the car, which was nice of them. Especially since I could barely walk. The drive home was interesting too, because I found out that my mouth was so swollen that I could only close my left eye, and it was one of those really awful overcast days and there was so much glare that I was in even more pain. So we got home and I was able to make it inside, where I went straight to bed and watched I Love the 80s for a little while. I had already watched 1980-87 the day before, so I only had two episodes left. I got to take out all the gauze that was in my mouth, which was not fun because it was covered in blood and after removing it I almost threw up. But on the plus side, I no longer looked like a chipmunk. Of course it was not a complete plus because then I just looked like I had gotten collagen injected into my lips. I was Pamela Anderson for about six hours. I could also not feel my entire lower lip, and for a little while, all but the tip of my tongue.

Unfortunately I can't eat anything, or open my mouth to any substantial size, so I'm living off of applesauce, Jell-O, string cheese, and mashed potatos. All of this after discovering that blood and yogurt don't go well together. I've got stitches in my mouth from where they had to get my teeth out, and they feel really weird, but every now and then a little blood seeps out from the wound and just doesn't make for an appetizing meal. I've decided to try soup tomorrow, but because I can't eat noodles, I have to go with Chicken and Stars. Which I was never very fond of because there's a lot less chicken. The pain hasn't been too bad, what hurts most is the swelling so they gave me an anti-inflammatory or whatever it is for that. I've also got pain killers as well. They're a bit more fun though, and after I took one this morning I was flying. I was completely relaxed, and I was barely in any pain at all. I think if I ever decide to have a character-building addiction, it'll be pain killers. On another bright side though, I got a Borders gift card for my birthday. I had wanted to get The Encyclopedia of Surfing, but it's like $40 in the store, and $27 online, so I opted to buy that online. But while I was there I saw Will & Grace: Fabulously Uncensored, which I had heard was coming out, but hadn't actually seen. So I bought that, and I've been reading it.

And to end in true Rachel-like fashion. All checks can be made payable to Rachel McCarty and gifts should cost no less than $10. Get Well cards are not appreciated unless containing large sums of money. With my luck I can capitolize on this unfortunate amount of pain. I've already decided I'm asking for a car.

8-26-04

When people are paying $2.50 for a 20oz. bottle of Sprite Ice on ebay...

My god, what will America do without a fucking fad? And what I love most about the dude trying to sell a bottle of Sprite Ice from Europe? That he's from fucking Minnesota!

8-25-04

I stepped on the scale today and I saw an unmentionable number that is not good. I figured if I could stay just underneath that weight I would be just fine. I even promised myself to workout more this summer. Go running, lift weights. Who am I kidding? I can't run. Goodbye carbs, goodbye cookies, goodbye chocolate and remaining saltwater taffy. I think I'll miss you the most. I may sound anorexic and manic depressant, but I'm not. I just want to fit in my pants.

Oh, so I get to take care of the neighbor's dog while they take Jason off to college tomorrow. Should be fun. Except for the slobber. Why do dogs have so much saliva?

Also, on Friday I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out. Not fun. Especially since they can't go right in there and pull them out, they have to open up my gums. At least I'll be unconscious. I want to go to the beach and pickup seashells. It sounds really stupid but that's exactly what I want to do right now. Seriously.

8-23-04 "New Jersey or Bust"

Things I'd Like to Do:

Rip Curl Gromsearch in Seaside Heights, NJ on the 25th
Art of Surfing Festival in Ocean City, NJ on the 26th
East Coast Surfing Championships on the 29th

People to take me? 0

I should have gotten my permit. And then an adult.

8-20-04 "Site Plans"

As you all know, I worship Kat Dennings. Maybe you didn't, but you do now. And I just adore her website. It's not like other celebrity's blogs. All they talk about are their tour dates. Kat talks about her boredom and relates herself to a turtle in a tub who orders stuff off amazon.com. And that's a turtle I can relate too. So I decided to change up my site in honor of her. There will be some new additions, some subtractions, maybe even some long division. Change can be good.

8-19-04 "Shopping Spree"

Okay, to start, I can barely type because I have a bandaid on my finger. I have a bandaid on my finger because I went to the doctor today because I was in extreme pain this morning. They decided that they should get a blood sample from me. I said no. They still got one. I'm still smiling though, because I'm eating an apple turnover and I got to go to CD Cellar to make up for the blood loss. So, the following is a list of what I got:

I'm a little less happy now because I now have to transfer all the CDs to iTunes, and that's a bitch and a half. But as a plus I get to watch The Avengers. I don't understand why I love that show so much, but it's just so campy it can't be bad. Maybe one day there will be an explanation for my taste. Certainly not in the near future though.

8-15-04 "Mission: Unpack"

God I love Quintuplets. When a dude's brother and sister get more action with his girlfriend than he does, you know you're either watching a soap opera or a sitcom on the Fox network. Still, it was original, and you've got to give credit to Fox for having the balls to do it. Of course they also had the balls to put two rich, socialite airheads in a pink trailer and send them to the Midwest. Wait, is that balls or good marketing? Either way, if it deals with sexual promiscuity, what could be the problem?

So, as you might have guessed, I am back from my retreat in the northeastern corner of the continental United States. Namely, Maine. And, as I believe personal victories should be publicly celebrated, like going to a bar to celebrate getting your 30-day chip, I did not download anything for 18 days! I proceeded to celebrate by downloading the aforementioned episode of Quintuplets. Not right as a I got home, but the next day. Well, since I got home around midnight, and then slept till 9, woke up and downloaded it... you get the picture. But I did it! I can quit, it's not an addiction and no one should treat it as such. Namely, my parents.

As you can see, I came back with a renewed energy and a fondness for the word "namely," which Webster's 1913 dictionary defines as:

\Name"ly\, adv.
1. By name; by particular mention; specifically; especially;
expressly.


See, I'm keeping it old school. I have also found that using the ghetto-slang that is so easily picked up in the suburbs of D.C., but not necessarily understood, in the woods of Maine is a good way to get strange looks and encourage meetings with tourists. Actually, I did a lot of reading when it was raining, and it rained quite a bit, so I think it has increased my vocabulary(She's just a yahoo with a thesaurus) and my ability to make the words flow. I read the last couple of chapters of Cosmic Banditos that I was sort of saving for the beach, and then I went over to the library(read: "commuinity center that collects crap like the underside of my bed collects dust bunnies") and checked out(read: wrote my name and number on a legal pad) the Bourne Ultimatum. It was only like 600 pages long, so it took about a week and a half to finish. After reading it I have a renewed hope that they will stop making those goddamn movies and Matt Damon can get on with life and continue playing geniuses who work contruction or mop the floors at MIT, and I can finally have a little respect for Ms. Fish when she says that she wants to marry him(I will still laugh, but in a quiet and controlled way, and, I repeat, not fall on the floor. Which is not only dangerous to my health, but to the people in the classroom below me.). I'd also like to point out that my regained literacy will not affect the number of run-on sentences, because I have aspirations to become the next Marcel Proust. I'd like to point out at this moment that I did not learn of Proust's fondness for long sentences by reading Swann's Way, but by watching someone on television read it.

I think I've gone past being lazy. I'm about twelve steps above lazy. Sadly I have not found a word that conveys this kind of laziness. I will therefore be forced to call it the 12-step program. Proving that my addiction is not downloading, but, in fact, limiting physical exertion wherever possible. I think I've exhausted my brain. I need more sugar. Thankfully my bestest friend in the whole wide world gave me uber amounts of candy for my birthday. And fortunately I was on vacation for quite some time or said candies would have been eaten weeks ago. Said candies also include caffeine, which will keep me up and watching the Olympics. Can you believe we lost at men's beach volleyball? Speaking of beach volleyball, and more importantly men, how come the dudes are wearing shorts and jerseys and hats, but girls only wear bikinis? I think the Olympics would be far more family-friendly if the men showed some skin. If you're going to spend 4 years working out only to end up crying and pouting, you should at least give us something to look at. Why do you think Michael Phelps has so many ad deals? Because he spends all his time in a speedo. Of course this only encourages others to try speedos in hopes that they will become much more manly and attractive and be able to swim. Not only does this cause drownings, but blindness. And to think I had thought I was losing my edge. It's all coming back baby! It's just a little more gross this time. I mean, old guys in speedos? What was I thinking? It was the caffeine talking. I think I'll retire before this whole affair gets too sordid.

Oh, and I read the article, well like half the article about that woman, Jessica Cutler, who was reenacting Sex and the City on Capitol Hill. I hope that my blog becomes as popular as her's has. Of course I don't routinely have sex with six men in rapid succesion and almost none of them ever pay me for sex. Yeah, that's about the only time sex will like ever be mentioned in this thing. Ever. So, I read her blog thing(which although she deleted after being found out by everyone on the Hill, numerous copies can be found on the net) and I've got to say, I don't understand why it's created such an uproar. The entries only go back for like two weeks, no one guy is ever named, and her exploits aren't that extreme. Carrie Bradshaw did all that and more in like one episode. Okay, so maybe not, but I've only seen like two episodes. But I bet something happened in one of the ones I didn't see.

My god, I've rambled on for about four pages and not once described my vacation. But this time I'll be brief. House? Infested with ants. Washing machine? Broken. Weather? Absolutely gorgeous. I think it all evens out.

Oh, and I took a lot of pictures too, so they'll be around sometime.