1-28-04

I'm singing Ricky Martin songs. Weird, right? I mean, I don't want to believe it, but it's true. I'm also beating myself over the head with my government folder and screaming "I'm going to fail," but that's another story for another time. Or we could tell it right now. I'm really freaking out about this government IB-style paper thing. I can't write 2000 words! I can't even write 500 without a lot of motivation and a knowledge of what I'm writing about. And at the moment I have no motivation, and no idea what the hell I'm writing about. It's not even the final paper. I just have to write an outline. I'm going to fail, I'm going to fail. Procrastination is really screwing me over today. I just can't do this. I'm going to fail. I know it. I can't even imagine what I got last quarter in government. All I know is that I better be prepared for all hell to let loose when my report card comes in the mail. I had an F on my interim, and based on... well, my ability to be me, I'm pretty sure I didn't raise it enough to have a passing grade. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! This isn't happening!!!!!!!!!

In other news, I have a mouse. Now, he's technically not my mouse. My dad keeps saying he belongs to this thing called nature... but, I don't know, I saw him first, so he's mine. He lives on the step outside my back door. He's got this whole tunnel system thing, and he can go in one hole, and come out the other. He's like super mouse. Very cool. Anyway, I fed him some peanut butter and he seems to be doing fine. I don't know why I haven't seen him before, but I think it's because my mom put some bird seed out on the step. She didn't want to walk out to the bird feeder in the snow, so she just left it there. And now he's eating out of it. He's such a cool little mouse. If it is in fact a he. I really have no idea. And no way to check. It hasn't exactly exposed itself to me. Oh well, here's hoping my mouse exposes itself to me sometime soon!

1-20-04

Really just felt like updating. I'd tell you what happened over the weekend, and in the past week actually, but I don't really remember it that well. So I figured I'd just leave you a couple of phrases that you might not understand unless you were there.

Trick-or-Treating
Run if you hear birds

Okay, so not a large number, nor very relevant, but someone will understand. Put two and two together. You get it. Or maybe you don't. You never really know. Sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesn't. The "getting" that is. Some things are gotten and somethings are not. Yeah, this is really not working. I need my own translator or something. "Rachel to English," pick it up at your local bookstore.

1-13-04 "Angry with the world."

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door, baby,
I can't fight this Feeling anymore

I don't know why, but that song just speaks to me. Everytime I hear it, part of me wants to cry, and part of me wants to smile. I just can't decide. Oh well, there's not much I have to say today. Yesterday Jennifer came over and we worked on Trig homework. Thank god she was here, or I would have completely failed. Yeah, that was about it. I know, exciting isn't it? God, I'm such a klutz. I just spilled soda on my jeans. You know, I think I should be institutionalized. I mean, there's got to be a reason why I'm the way I am. It's not like it matters anyway. If you know what's wrong with you that doesn't mean you can fix it. I don't know, I just kind of feel depressed right now. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to have to do my homework. It's not like it would matter if I didn't do my English project, because I have an A, but if I don't Ms. Fish will kill me. She makes me so afraid to screw up it's not even funny. And I don't really have to do my Latin, because I don't really know what we have to do, and because I have absolutely no respect for Mrs. Morgan whatsoever, so she can just eat my shorts. I can't forget about my government homework, because I'm failing that class and every little thing counts. I also can't forget my Chemistry homework, because I'm also failing that class. Literally. I swear, Mr. Krywy hates me. I let Alexis and Megan copy all of my work for the last unit, and when he was giving everything back I found out that they got A's, and I got a B-. You know what? Fuck him. He doesn't deserve my respect. And now I'm not only depressed, I'm mad. Everything can just go to hell. I really don't care anymore.

1-10-04 "Feeling weird."

So, sitting here, feeling weird as the title says, listening to Carly Simon, and wondering about it all. Okay, so tonight I had Chinese food. It was pretty good, okay even. And after dinner I forgot to get a fortune cookie out of the bag, so my dad comes into my room and tells me he left one on the table for me. I got up, went to the table, and when I opened it, the most wonderful gift someone could ever give me was written on it.



It just gave me this new hope, and it made me feel happy. Oh, and in a side note, I got back from going to Dusty's concert thing, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was actually very good, and I'm extremely jealous of Dusty. Not only can he play the drums very, very well, he can also look good doing it. Hot even. I'm smitten. Too bad he has a girlfriend. And it's just shame that she's everything I'm not. Mildly attractive, an excellent singer, rich, lucky, and a bitch. Ah, to be me. It must really suck. But at least I'm not a bitch. Well, not all of the time.

1-7-04

Yeah, okay, so I haven't updated in a while, but I figured since no one reads this, there was no point to telling you how my break was. I mean, I could tell you, but where's the fun in that? Let's just say it was okay. Not great, not bad, but a bit in between. So, let's get down to business. If anyone would like Blue Crush, or America's Sweethearts, they are both now available, and currently free. I just got both on DVD, so I figured I would get rid of my other copies. So, just ask if you'd like them, and chances are no one will bother and I'll be stuck with them forever. So, thank you for at least trying to pay attention. Byes^4