1-31-05

No matter how much I enjoy being completely emersed in water; letting the tide and the waves push me in contradicting directions, standing in the shower letting the lukewarm water pour down on me, doing cannonballs off the diving board at my cousin's house and sinking into the hot tub on early January nights... I don't particulary like drinking it. This is because water tastes like water, and for me, things should have analogies associated with them. Water should taste like something else. And therefore I stick to flavored waters because it beats tap water. But artificial lemon water still sucks in comparison to real lemon flavored water. I'm not talking about lemonade, I'm talking about squeezing slices of lemon in glasses of water and hoping that my artful preperation goes noticed.

During one of the summers in which I spent a couple of weeks in the Florida Keys eating a lifetime supply of Mahi Mahi with my mom, we ended up staying at the Sugarloaf Lodge for a couple of days. Where we actually did the tourist-y stuff like fishing and driving down Duval Street looking for a parking space. The thing I liked most about the lodge though, was the restaurant. I'm not a big fish fan, and a week and a half of grouper-burgers had so suppressed my appetite that I would convince myself I wasn't hungry just to get out of eating more fish. The one thing I enjoyed about the place was the water. I've spent many years after perfecting the art of lemon water. I still don't know how they did it, but the water they paraded about in sculpted glass pitchers was the best tasting water I have ever had. Not pulpy like orange juice, and with just the right amount of lemon, so it wasn't too sour, and it never tasted like water, but it never tasted like lemonade. If I had my way, all water would taste like that, right out of the tap.

This afternoon I tried another attempt at figuring out the lemon-to-water ratio. I didn't quite succeed, but I was more than happy to drink it all. I was also more than happy to look into airfare to Florida. It's sad to say that I won't be going any time soon.

I spent most of today Indo-boarding, because the fact that you go back and forth and generally stay in one place has been lost on me. I can't get enough. It seems to me that I could stay balanced in one spot forever. I've never quite reached forever, but I'm working my way up.

I'm still kicking myself about this morning, which is useless because it wasn't my fault that the karma gods were being unusually mean today. I was supposed to go with Lauren to see Katharine's play like I promised, but spent most of the morning sick in bed. I'm so sad though, because Lauren made t-shirts and everything. We we're gonna show our school spirit (whatever was left of it anyway). Lauren has so much more spirit than me, and I had to talk her out of painting an "A" on her cheek with lipstick. I really wish I could have gone. I would have even worn the t-shirt if it meant I could have forseen anything in my future that didn't include wanting to throw up.

I'm convinced that the joy of 4-day weekends is so completely foreign to me. I usually lose count of the number of days past two, so anything plus those two days sort of sinks into the next. I don't feel any more refreshed than a regular weekend, I just have a lot fewer school days to deal with. But even that doesn't have an impact because any school at all just runs together as well. There's nothing to break up the days anymore. I'm certainly not lookng forward to anything, and I have no memorable moments to count by. God my life is depressing.

On Saturday (or was it Sunday?), I went to L.L.Bean and my parents made me buy boots so I now have no excuse to not shovel the driveway. But as a treat for buying boots, I got to go to Crate and Barrel and get those glasses I had been eyeing ever since they came out. They look a lot less marvelous in the store, so I only got two of the orange ones. But while there I picked up a catalog and found this really cool duvet cover that I want to get. So in the end it was fulfilling.

I read all 300 plus pages of Running With Scissors in two days. Two days. I'm shocked. Especially since I read 200 of those pages this afternoon. I was bored, but not bored enough to being On The Road, so I started reading Zero Break, which is so much more convient, becase it's a book of excerpts, with clearly defined stopping points. There's no way I will ever read 200 pages again. It leaves me without things to do.

So that's why I wrote this.
posted by Rachel | |

1-28-05

I was quite pissed off this afternoon. Of course, my anger led to depression because I shortly became angry with myself for being angry at a friend. I simply don't have the stubbornness to say mad at people. You're also lucky that my brother has friends over and all my hatred shifted on to them because I had to crank up the radio in my room to an unsettingly-loud level to drown out the screams from their video game orgy. This hatred begins when they step through my door. I hate them because they touch my things and stare at me and confront me in the early morning hours because they are unable to be polite guests after eating our food and using our utilities. I'm steps away from demanding they pay our electricity bill. They sleep over constantly, sometimes more than one at a time. And by sleeping over I mean not keeping normal hours and screaming until dawn. I'm privy to the nature of their screams because the heating duct in my room connects to the living room downstairs, and affords me the chance to actually desire puncturing my ear drums.

There is simply nothing like this kind of hate. I'm not going to go into much detail, but you should be very lucky my brother has any social life at all. If not, I might have willed myself into being pissed at you. Which is doubtful as well, because I'm loving the book you let me borrow.

So there you go, my passive-agressive, subtle, indirect way of expressing the faintest bit of anger. I'm going to go far enough and say it was all very cathartic.
posted by Rachel | |

1-25-05

It's officially my half birthday. Yay for 16 and a half. I can't believe it's just 6 months more until I turn 17 and my parents start crossing off days on the calendar until I get to come home and find my stuff on the front yard. Threats are fun.

I've already decided that I'm not going to like Thursday. I have Art and Physics for flex. First they're going to put me through mental anguish, then extreme boredom. It's like shock therapy from hell. I'd much rather just get the real shock therapy. I wonder if Betty Ford has an opening.

I need to go to Borders and get Running With Scissors because Lauren said she couldn't find her copy. I still have On The Road to read, but I'm starting to think that it's a book I'd much rather have on my coffee table, rather than the ability to recall events from it. I don't know, I'm just the kind of person who would like Kerouac's writing, but I can't seem to finish the goddamn thing. No wonder Ms. Fish hates it. But then again, she hates everything, so no comparison there.

Michelle and I got into a heated argument about music again. I can't seem to convince her that I've found the enlightened way and that she needs to stop listening to Taking Back Sunday to save her soul. She needs salvation. I can't save everyone, but I damn sure will try.

I gave Katharine her tape this morning. She had me hold things for her while she put together her homework. I'm now being mistaken for a horizontal surface. But I'll take it, because it's better than Michael Jackson.
posted by Rachel | |

1-23-05

Lauren's coming over for Desperate Housewives Night again, in which we bitch at the bitches on tv. It's quite cathartic.

Katharine was in Chicago this weekend, and asked me to tape The OC for her because apparently I'm her personal TiVo.

I went to the doctor on Saturday and I have an infection in my eye. So yay, right there. On the plus side, I went to CD Cellar and bought a CD to listen to while sitting around slightly blind in one eye.

I managed to hook up my mp3 player to the stereo in the living room. It has the good speakers.

I cleaned up my desk, but not enough for it to really be clean.

Michelle and I went driving around downtown Fairfax on Thursday and went to Red Hot & Blue for lunch. The waitstaff at the Memphis-style eatery were Russian.

I've run out. Yet again. Katharine said I have to write the other 11 statements to go with my last entry. I said no. It will stay like that forever.
posted by Rachel | |

1-19-05

Okay, I stole this from Katharine who stole it from someone else, so I'm not the only crazy klepto on the internet. Essentially, you're supposed to write 14 statements intended for 14 different people. And never tell anyone which one is about them. The problem is I don't really know 14 different people, so if you find yourself getting mentioned once or twice, or heck, 14 times, know that it's not because you're just the greatest person ever, it's because I couldn't find anyone else. Talk about a downer. I'll commence now.

1. Of all the people I'm closest with, I can't say I've known you the longest. I can say that this mind-meld thing is a bit disturbing at times.

2. I know that when you're this young nothing is actually love, but I can't find another word to describe the way I feel about you. Which is unfortunate because I've moved on and you've successfully managed the impossible high school feat of a multi-month relationship. If I can manage to spend one day not thinking about you, I'll be so happy.

3. You are possibly the nicest person on earth to constantly put up with me. I'm seriously going to miss you next year, but instead of making deals with the Devil I'll be dealing exclusively with AmTrak.

Okay, this is sad. I've stopped at 3. Sure, there are many other people, but I don't have anything to say to them. And they don't read this, making it pretty pointless. But for fun I'll mix up the order in which I praised/blatantly humiliated people. Enjoy.
posted by Rachel | |

1-18-05

The things I write in here are hardly ever brought forth by anger. But now I can't really say that, because I'm so pissed off right now I could scream. You wouldn't hear me over my brother's crying though, so it wouldn't make a difference. He's having a mental breakdown as usual, and he's cursing at me for god know's what. I'm sick of his complaining about how he hates his life, yet he gets everything he ever wants and everyone sides with him instead of me.

It's a stupid reason to be pissed off, but I'm running out of clothes. They're either not fitting me, or they're threadbare. As someone who has to show up in a public place everyday and be judged on what I wear, I tend not to show up stark naked. It's becoming an option now. I asked my dad to order clothes online for me. They're all on sale, discounted at upwards of %60. I ordered it, but there was an error on the page and the site sent my dad an e-mail, but his computer is so fucked up that he couldn't read it. Because he's an asshole, that's why. And because if you complain about your computer, he'll yell at you and refuse to help you. If you try to help him, he'll yell at you and refuse your help. Bit of an endless, very destructive cycle. I gave him the number to call the company and ask about my order. He hasn't done it. I don't know how long that stuff will be on sale. I'm racing against time, and it sounds stupid, but it's very true. And I can't order it all again, because he won't let me.

This evening my dad went grocery shopping and on his way home he called and said he wanted someone to be downstairs to help bring stuff inside. I picked up the phone late after my mom grabbed it because she's not near a phone and has been asking someone to pick it up all day. She told me about it, and I came running. I was trying to do my marketing homework. I have to cut out ads from magazines. When I got downstairs my brother was sitting in the living room in front of the tv watching Galaxy Quest. His history book was in front of him, and I'm supposed to assume he was going homework. I had to take me time out of my homework and run downstairs, and he can't manage to get off his ass, move ten feet and help. All of the stuff my dad bought was for him. The Goldfish, the Sprite.

Next thing I know, my dad comes in to ask me how my day was. Well, frankly, I'm a little pissed off, so I told him to leave me alone. He asks why I'm mad at him. I tell him I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at William. He asks why, like it isn't that obvious. I tell him the whole story. About my brother complaining I was downloading something and tying up the DSL because he was playing a goddamn computer game. About William taking the money Sarah dropped off that Mrs. Bracken gave me for taking care of Sidekick over the weekend. I had to beat it out of him. About complaining that I was downloading something, when I wasn't. I didn't even get to finish when my dad starts yelling at me and telling me that when the FBI comes knocking on the door, he'll hand me over and use the money they saved up for college to pay any fines. The thing is, I don't want to go to college, and jail sounds like a great retreat from this personal hell I'm living in.

On a supremely lighter note, I went to see Broadway Desserts on Friday with Lauren. It was really good, but also really long. I saw Rachel Seiden there and we talked for awhile. I had 2 pieces of cake, an eclair, and about 6 glasses of punch. I was shaking from the sugar. Katharine was waiting tables, but she popped over to personally inspect my food for poison. It was fine, and I was missing a large chunk of my chocolate, chocolate, chocolate cake. On Sunday Lauren came over and we watched Desperate Housewives and then sat around and played truth or dare with the book Jennifer gave me for my birthday. I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but Lauren will have sex for money. And my 3 turn offs are bad breath, body odor, and breathing down my neck. Think about all the other things I wouldn't even dare mention here.
posted by Rachel | |

1-16-05

I learned some very interesting things on Saturday. For instance, I like Easter candy better than Valentine's Day candy. Also... okay, yeah that was about it. I spent most of the day sitting around at home, but I did manage to help my dad take down the drywall in the closet in the basement. He wants to replace the stuff that was rotting and fix the bug problem, which I completely agree with. No more bugs. You would not believe the high octaves my voice reaches when I see one of those things. And despite all the time I spend working out (just nod here), I still request that someone else kill them. Sure, I'll trap them in a corner and swat at them with tissues, but I won't kill them. It's not that I don't want them dead, I just don't want that on my karma. It's a bit hectic already, what with me going to hell, so I can't afford any more drama.

Anyway, enough about bugs, I managed to con my dad into letting me buy ridiculously expensive but oh so pretty shelves for the closet once he's done. I also get to put down baseboard and paint. There is simply nothing I won't do for a spiffy closet.

Change of plans with the dog-walking/general caring/gourmet chef job. Jason's gonna be home for one more day. Which is fortunate from a social standpoint, but unfortunate from the wrecked financial view I'm so accustomed to staring down the barrel of.

There's a huge sale at Tower Records today, so I'm gonna go to that and possibly use the gift card I've had for 3 or so years. If it's still valid. Which it might just not be. I really have no idea, that's why I'm going. I doubt they'll have anything I want, but I'll get to kill an afternoon. Which doesn't really work out well because I have to be home to let Sidekick out. I have to walk him this morning too, and it's freezing outside. I don't think we'll actually get to the park. Which would be fortunate because there is always a tree to be marked in the place.

I'm extending my use of power tools so that I can build a couple of orange crates to replace the milk crates in my room. I know what you're thinking, why do that? I simply don't know why. I'm just desperate for self-validation in the form of achievement. I figure since doing my homework doesn't make me feel like I've accomplished anything, I'm just going to have to find other ways. Without of course falling behind on my homework, because then I'll never get to go to college and learn to tackle major storage needs. I think now that I've secured a well-paying short term job I can finally afford to buy that magazine at Home Depot that brags about having 435 storage tips. Perhaps it will help me with my closet, which I said I was going to do this weekend but realize I have no clue how to fix. I really don't know how I accumulated all that junk. Or all those shoes. I never realized I was a shoe person until now.

We seem to have managed to secure ourselves a newspaper despite never subscribing to the Washington Post. I think I'm gonna go get it and read it. Or maybe not. I really have no reason to. Wait, there are ads. And I'm cheap. This is exactly what I need in my life. I just have to get dressed to get it. Okay, so I can pretty much guarantee it's gonna be out there for a while. I've misplaced my pants.
posted by Rachel | |

1-13-05

I spent most of school today staring at my desk and day-dreaming. Which is completely normal, and not a good opening, but I thought it would explain to you how monotonous my day was. Because even though I was bored by the monotony, I was eventually bored by my boredom, which is frankly, unheard of and freakish. I'm thinking of consulting WebMD.

After school I changed into shorts and Michelle and I went cruising the town picking up hookers. Actually, we saw a hooker, but we were looking for dry pavement. Which is, apparently, scarce after a light rain. We did find some fun places to skate when the weather begins to improve. Which will be never, because after today I will have to retire my shorts. I might just have to wait for Spring afterall. Damn, you know how impatient I am.

As of right now I have a headache and a mess of English homework to do. Guess what caused my headache. Lauren actually thinks I have a headache because I had PB&J for dinner and she read in a book that peanuts cause headaches. So now JIF is to blame for my pain. I should have gone with Skippy. Those rastafarian elephants were mighty entertaining.

Gosh darn it, why is life so cruel to me? If I get one more IM from Slocum I just might kill someone. During my English presentation tomorrow because I'll probably end up giving it. And then I'll ramble on and on about nothing that pertains to my topic and get a failing grade. Not only that, but I will also make a complete idiot out of myself in front of 30 or so people that will hold this over my head for the rest of my life.Dear god, it's 9:30. I've got to get cracking. Are you sure there isn't a chance of snow for tomorrow?
posted by Rachel | |

1-10-05

Yeah, so I kind of stopped updating. I'm back though, don't worry. Well, for now at least. I'm fairly unpredictable.

Okay, so over the break I decided I would start and/or finish a project. Never quite got around to it. So last weekend I built a surfboard rack. It was pretty easy, I'm just so impatient that I couldn't wait for the glue to dry. Don't worry, the rack and I are still in one piece. I just don't like things that challenge my patience. Paint, glue, water to ice. Things need to happen instantly.

Today wasn't so bad school-wise. I didn't have to do my presentation in English. As revenge I had to take a lit test. Which I definitely did not do well on the short answer. What are the 3 themes of an aphorism? See, you don't know either. At the end of the test Mrs. Feil gave us one minute to look through the book for any answers we needed. Yeah, the answer I need is definitely not in the book. Film was easy as pie. My auteur paper was due today, but Weintraut just had us peer edit, so I get to turn it in on Wednesday. It's not like any of us really needed the extra time, afterall, we did have the entire break to work on it, but now I can change the little things I had just left in there because I didn't care. Now I have a reason to care, damnit!

After school I watched the last half of an episode of The Pretender and then I went skating up at the church. I put the G. Love album I got Thursday when I went to CD Cellar with Jennifer after school on my mp3 player and stuck it in my back pocket. It was kinda nice out, a little chilly, and my hands were definitely freezing. But I had fun, and it was really relaxing. When I was coming home the UPS guy stopped by. He dropped off a package from Wetsand.com. My dad ordered The Seedling for me as a post-Christmas present. It's directed by the same guy who directed Sprout, and it's all about California longboard riding.

That's pretty much all that's happened today. I'm freezing right now. My house is always so cold. I've got homework to do. I think I'm gonna go do that. It's been fun. Aloha.
posted by Rachel | |

1-1-05

If I didn't have to go buy a calendar, I would have sworn it was Spring Break. It's 66 degrees outside. Now this would be just fine for Florida, but it somehow seems improper for Virginia. I, of course, decided to enjoy the wonderful weather and went skateboarding today, in boardshorts and a t-shirt. And I was still wearing too much clothing. I'm gonna have to strip down and break out the slip 'n slide.

I've somehow managed to end the non-alcoholic hangover I had this morning. Two Cokes and 6 pieces of fudge will do that to you. The annual New Year's Eve party was a ball. Well, there were some very boring points, but overall I wouldn't spend my New Year's Eve any other way. 3/5 of the group was named Sarah, so trying to recap the evening could turn very confusing. On the plus side, I now know at least 10 people named Sarah.

The high points of the evening were a slighty liquored Russian singing and playing guitar, Dusty trying to act slick and flip out his phone and ends up throwing it across the room, kicking Sarah's butt in DDR even though I have no idea how to play, getting not one, but two bullseyes while playing darts, tempting fate by adjusting Dusty's drumset (I'm still waiting for him to find out), and playing evil tricks on Dusty and his girlfriend.

Well, it's 2005. Scary. I think I'm gonna go outside and sit in my hammock.
posted by Rachel | |