6-1-03

I'm going to kill my dad. And it's not anything that he actually did, but he did leave me a home with my mother and my brother. The two most insane people on the planet. And I have proof of this, so don't even try to tell me otherwise. Right now, and I mean exactly right now, at 9:40 this lovely Sunday evening, my brother is banging on the floor with a wooden golf club thingy. It's like 2 feet long. And why? Because my mom wouldn't let him watch TV because he still has to do his homework. I still have homework to do, but I have reason. I was up till 2 AM on Friday, and then mindnight on Saturday. I've gotten a total of 12 hours of sleep. The average human needs 16 hours in a two night period. The average teenager? At least 20. So I am no lacking 8 hours of sleep. Which I will probably never make up. And right now my brother is crying and my mom is trying to get him to stop in a peaceful, non-violent manner. She's like Ghandi, except annoying and her actions, or lack of them, never work. And now my brother is cursing at my mom. And now I think he's grounded for the next month. Which will mean he'll be able to get away with anything. Yeah, pretty much. I can't wait for my dad to get home. Because when he does, all will be well. My brother will have been beaten to death for more than just this. And why, again? Because today he had to go and buy a new video game. Now if somebody had bought me something even when they know they shouldn't have, I would appreciate it. I really would. And I do. I really do. And now my brother is blaming me for his problems. Right, me. The loner child who spends all of her time in her room and does not associate with her family. Who does not cause problems and who is probably the only sane one in this house. My dad can't control his temper, and if you've ever been to my house, you know exactly what I mean. My mom is a paranoid freak who claims she's alergic to everything and anything and takes about 20 different medications and works about 20 different jobs because she's finally reached her mid-life crisis at the age of 51 and doesn't know what to do with her life. And then there's my brother. The screwed up kid who goes to therapy and doctor's appointments every other day, who gets everything he wants because he has "problems" and does not do any work, and still gets the same amount of allowance that I do. Now how is this possible? Is it because he is screaming and banging and tearing the house apart? Is it because he is uses words in front of my mother that I don't even use with my friends? Really, I wonder what it is. I'm sorry for this rant, but it is extremely necessary seeing as I quit therapy because I didn't have time for my homework. That and I didn't want to become part of my family's dysfunction. Our dysfunction if off the charts. I'm serious about this. Oh well, goodnight. I'll be here working on my history project. 6-5-03

I'm about to get lost in profound thought here, so if you get bored easily then stop reading now. I said NOW. Oh well, looks like you'll just to continue. Obviously I'm so interesting it's the only thing you care about right now. And now, my profound thought. It came to me today when I was outside, throwing a baseball at a fence, because right now it's the only therapy I have. And while throwing said baseball at said fence, it dawned on me. My neighbors had taken out the old ranch style fence and replaced it with a chain link one. This new fence is 6 feet tall, so that their dog doesn't get loose. Now, I can climb a 6 foot tall fence, hell I almost climbed the fence up at the baseball diamond at school for absolutely no reason. But I don't think it was my inability to climb this fence, but the thing that it represented. My entire childhood was spent climbing over that fence. You see, Andrew and I were best friends in the truest sense. We were innocent children who spent every waking moment playing soccer in the yard or basketball or building some strange thing out of Legos. And the only thing that separated us was that fence. Which since I was five I could climb over without much difficulty. That fence was so worn though. The top rail had been replaced at least once that I can remember. So now we flash forward to the future where I am standing outside throwing a baseball at where this fence used to be. Lately I've been trying to figure out life, and I do this alot, but I think this time really meant something. I have this strange feeling that if I over analyze this fence I'll be able to think up some metaphor about how my throwing a baseball at that fence was really my way of making sure it was still there. That fence was more than a fence. It was the start of a wonderful friendship filled with treehouses and secret clubs. Which makes me think back to all of the other friends I've had over the years, but only 3 stood out. Andrew, whom I spent my childhood with, Chris, my summer pal and my first kiss, and Bret, a crush and confidant. Each one of these relationships represented three different things, and each occured at different times. First there was Andrew, and then somewhere during that there was also Bret. Soon that gave way to Chris, and afterwards back to Bret. But the thing that confuses me the most is why did Bret and I go back to being best friends? Was it convenience? Was it just the right time? Or is it some god awful mystery that I'll spend the rest of my life try to figure out? I really have no idea. But it hit me, while still standing outside holding a baseball, that I don't want a boyfriend. All these stupid crushes were just my way of trying to find more reasons to remain friends. What I want right now is a friend who I can sit with and talk to, or not talk to, whatever happens to be the situation at hand. But I don't have that. I really wish I did. I've been missing that all this year and now Bret and I are talking again, and it seems like I could get that back. Today in Latin I found myself singing Vitamin C's song, Graduation. I kept thinking about last year and how incredible it was. I want that back. I'd rather live in the past than face the future alone.

Oh well, another rant from yours truly. You may now get back to your normal lives. Don't worry about mine.

6-6-03

I think I was just hit by reality. And trust me, it's one huge fucking bus. No, make that a train. But before I get so caught up in all the angry, bitter things I need to say at the world, I have one nice thing to say. Hi Chris! There, you have been mentioned. You gave me permission, and you can't take it back! HA! Okay, back to this speeding train. I'm really worried about Liz. I found out today that Christie was sent to a boarding school in New York. She's been missing for a couple of days. Her mom was lying to everyone, even Christie's boyfriend. That's just not right. She was pulled out of this state without getting a chance to say goodbye. I was so pissed off today. Liz and Janis were talking about trying to go get her back. I would gladly steal a car and drive up to New York. I never really knew Christie that well, but she was... well she was always smiling. Always having a good time. All I have to say is that, Christie, we love you. I wish I could say everything was gonna be okay, but I don't really know. Keep up hope, for it's all you've got.

6-8-03

New graphics for site up, and a new page. This one was getting too crowded, so now you can go to archive and read everything you might have missed last month. I think I'll do it by months, so hopefully I'll be able to remember. Also, new movie and CD reviewed. Wet Hot American Summer and Something Corporate's Audioboxer EP. And, to continue to remind me, my birthday is coming up, and I don't know what to do. Last year we went mini-golfing and half of us ended up at Denny's around 11 at night. It was so awesome. Which leads me to my question, what do I do this year? And since Chris is like the only person who reads this, Chris, what should I do? Last year we were going to go to the beach, but it didn't work out for anybody, so we just decided on mini-golfing. Now, I'm sure I could work out something at a bar, but I'll need a backup plan. I'll just go ask Jessica.

6-15-03

Not a lot going on, I'm just studying for finals. On the plus side, by procrastinating I was able to make new graphics, so I can change the site. Tripod seems to have figured out my plot for world domination, so now I have ads on the top again. Oh well, I'll live. Hopefully you will too. I'll try to change most of the pages today, but for now, more studying. I plan to be very tired tomorrow.

6-16-03

It's official. I'm addicted to the online version of MASH. Yes, pathetic I know, but I really have no life, so why not spend it trying to predict what my future will look like? I've gotten mixed results, but overall good.
The best was probably...

Your husband's name is Chris and you have 4 children.
You're a bum who drives to work every day in a blue minivan.
It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with Chris in your house in Virginia.

The worst was...

Your husband's name is Bret and you have 4 children.
You're a director who drives to work every day in a grey Jeep.
It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with Bret in your shack in France.

DisByChRiS: and lots of sex
oldschoolsurfing: at least you're not doing it with Bret
DisByChRiS: hahahaha

My god, my life certainly is interesting. Either way, that's pretty much all I have to say. Oh, and go to Mash and become addicted too!

6-15-03 (again)

Chris has officially been mentioned. That is all.

6-17-03

Finals today: 2. Finals failed today: 0. Now how did that work out? PE was the worst. So tiring. I actually took a nap today. I haven't done that since preschool. In fact, I didn't even do that in preschool. Bret and I would always stay up and throw things at each other. Anyway, this page has been updated again, thanks to a certain influential friend, whose name shall remain unknown. Okay, so dude, you're like the only one who reads this. And likes it. Which is really disturbing. I mean, I don't even like it. Strange... Anyway, not much going on around here. I was going to go outside and look for the golf balls I lost last night, but it's raining. Stupid rain. I guess it's not really the rain's fault. More like my fault for losing them and needing to go outside. Next time I want to go hit around golf balls at 8 at night, stop me? Or at least try to. No one can stop me! Wow, sugar rush. Did I mention I had cookies last night? And this morning? And then again later this morning? Wow. I should probably stop. I'll leave you to contemplate the deep spiritual message behind this post. Enjoy!

6-18-03

Okay, I added another survey thingy in About. Yeah, I was supposed to be studying, but I'm sure you'd rather have me update here. Boring day today, except for the fact that Lauren brought this bubble gun thingy. So awesome! It really is. I want my own now. We were having so much fun with it this morning. Anyways, I was very suprised this morning to learn that I actually know algebra. Shocking, isn't it? I was so tired after school today that I took a nap again. But this time for like 2 1/2 hours. And then my brother called and I woke up. And now I'm tired again. I need to get my sleep. I've been so out of it this week. Anyway, I need to study really badly because I have biology and Latin finals tomorrow. Both of the classes I never pay attention in on the same day? I can see this might be a problem. A particularly large one at that. Okay, I really need to study, but I keep stalling. Which is strange, but then again, that's just me, and hey, I am a blonde...

6-20-03

I know, I know, bad Rachel. I didn't update every single day. I'm losing my touch. Or Chris isn't making sure I update. Bad Chris! Haha, anyway... Went to the mall today. My dad forced me into helping him shop. I was the official fashion consultant. While I was there I saw Chris and Janis, which was cool. And then I walked into about ten random stores, just to see what they sold. They've got a lot of interesting things at Springfield Mall. Did you know that Linens N Things is having a sale on camping chairs and trash cans? I sure didn't! But I know now. So I suggest you go there and buy a trash can or two. Everybody loves a clean freak! Hm... catchy. I've never actually understood why people watch Everybody Loves Raymond. I'd rather watch Everybody Loves A Clean Freak! Think of the possibilities. Dream with me here people... Wow, random. Anyway... afterwards I went to PacSun and bought a pair of boardshorts by Kirra. They're so awesome! I absolutely love them. Okay, so even though I actually did something today, my day was pretty boring. I need to stay inside more. My life is more interesting when I only have myself to talk to.

6-23-03

Okay people, I know normally you would expect sullen and miserable Rachel, but this summer is different. Quite different in fact. I am totally into my new exercise routine. I rode 3.33 miles yesterday! With an average speed of 6.74 mph. I got an odometer for my bike, so now I can keep track of how far I rode in a day, in a week, hell, in a month. Doesn't that just sound fun? Well, probably not to you, but to me it sounds great! I'd do a Tony the Tiger impression but I have a feeling I already made an ass out of myself, so why make things worse? Anyway, awesome news ahead. That's right, awesome... I bought a snowboard! I know what you're thinking, "A snowboard in June?!?" but yes. A snowboard in June! Why? Because it only cost $10. That's right folks, $10. I might as well bow down, and kiss the ground because God's ass is back in town. Woohoo! Little rhyme there. I think I had too much lemonade. Haha. Okay so only Jessica will understand that one. Make that Jessicas. They're joined at the un-hip. Zing! Wow, too much sugar. I suppose most of you reading this think I'm a crack addict. I'd have to suppose you're wrong, but I do give you a reason to worry. Okay, I'm gonna go. Read and worry people, for I am out on the streets. Not figuratively though. Well, part of the time. I have to ride on the street to get to the park. But some of the time I'm on the sidewalk. Where I could endanger small children. I should probably just go admit myself to a self help clinic or a mental institution right about now. Byes!

6-24-03

ARGH!!!!!!! Everybody just leave me alone! I'm gonna sit here and do nothing. You got that? NOTHING!!!

6-28-03

Okay, happier than my last post. Lately I've been playing a lot of lacrosse because I really have nothing better in my life. Chris is absent and has been for quite some time, so this update is totally me. I decided to update. Shocking, right? Anyway, I'm really freaking happy because I have found the underworld of torrent trading. Which is good because most sites get shut down by the MPAA. Damn rich people! If you ever want to hear my rant on the validity of their claims, grab a cup of coffee and buckle down because this could take a while. Okay, enough of the threats, I really have nothing left to write. Oh, I've become fascinated by a program that's run on the Discovery Channel. It's called Extreme Engineering, and it's pretty cool. I don't get cable, so I'm so happy about that. And I found a thing at the computer store that will capture video from an antenna and convert it to video on my computer so I can host my own torrents. Very cool. Except it's either that or the DVD-ROM. I looked into something that would burn DVDs, but it's about $300. So nevermind about that one. Maybe when I actually have money. I think that so far I've compiled a list of things I'd like for my birthday. Most of them aren't too expensive, but you all missed out on the "All Rachel wants for her b-day is surfboard wax" ploy, so don't blame me if this stuff is expensive. I ask for $1 sticks of wax and I get expensive things. Does no one in this world listen? Anyway, here's the list.


6-30-03

I'm writing this at 12:32 AM, so please excuse any strange things. Well, except for my usual post. It may be strange, but you've come to expect that right? Okay, after reading several peoples blogs and journals and such, and then spending half an hour developing a very pointed post to someone's need to gripe about Bowling For Columbine, and rejecting gun crazy people's theories, I have some sort of need to say this. It's going to sound stupid, but I'm warning you in advance, so you know what you're getting. It's like a Farrely brothers R-rating. Expect the highest degree of R-ness. Which sounds stupid itself. So now that I've made my point. I will sound stupid. It's just supposed to be that way.
Click here to read it. You need the password to get to it, so just IM me for it. Unless I don't want to give it to you, which is totally the reason for locking it away like that.